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Post by OldReliableIronNo.2 on Jan 28, 2022 11:21:15 GMT
At the Bridge Cafe, I ordered a glass of O.J., and it only cost me Ten Cents.
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Jokes
Oct 22, 2023 2:26:53 GMT
Post by OldReliableIronNo.2 on Oct 22, 2023 2:26:53 GMT
Q. What is a South African bishop's favourite time of day?
A. 2 Tutu.
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Harperman
Goods Engine
Pittsburghs Going to Superbowl!
Posts: 370
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Jokes
Oct 23, 2023 11:17:59 GMT
Post by Harperman on Oct 23, 2023 11:17:59 GMT
Man it's so cold up here in town, but some people say i should CHILL about it.
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Post by Princess Viola on Oct 25, 2023 12:36:15 GMT
A guy walks into the doctor's office and the doctor tells him 'You need an operation.'
Shocked, the guy tells the doctor 'Well I want a second opinion.'
The doctor says 'OK, you're ugly too.'
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Post by WhitehouseFilms on Oct 25, 2023 19:27:41 GMT
This joke was from an old friend of mine who sadly passed away a few years back. He did stand up for a living and this was one joke that was among my favourites.
A man was walking along the beach one day and with him was his only best friend in the world, his dog. The dog was a mongrel breed. It was old and had very much spent the whole of it's life pledged with bad luck. It had only 3 legs, it's tail was bitten in half during a fight with another neighbour's dog, it's ear was gone and was blinded in one eye. And to add salt to the wound it was called Lucky.
Anyway the man was walking along the beech, dragging his feet along the sands when he kicked a bottle and POOF! A cloud of smoke came out and there before them stood a mighty genie.
"I am the genie of the bottle. for many centuries I have been enslaved to that bottle and you have freed me from my prison. And for this kindful act, I will grant thee one wish"
The man took his flat cap off and ruffling it nervously in his hands said,
"Well Mr Genie, this is all very new to me and perhaps if you could grant me this one wish. This my dear friend Lucky and I was wondering if you could use your mighty powers to restore his youth, his health and would be presentable enough to enter him in the village dog show next week."
The genie stepped down from his cloud and walked round the dog thoughtfully.
"Hmmm" He said after a while "I'm sorry, that kind of wish requires more magic than I'm capable of."
"Thats perfectly fine" said the man "I understand."
"Do you have an alternative wish instead?" Asked the genie. The man thought for a moment and then had an idea. He reached into his coat and handed the genie a photograph. A cheeky expression feel on his face.
"That, Sir" He said "Is my dear wife and I was wondering if theres a way you could have it so that when I wake up in the morning she'd look like Julia Roberts?"
The genie stared at the photo and then after a long pause said, "Let me have another look at the dog"
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Post by OldReliableIronNo.2 on Nov 20, 2023 1:39:15 GMT
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Harperman
Goods Engine
Pittsburghs Going to Superbowl!
Posts: 370
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Jokes
Nov 20, 2023 3:10:13 GMT
Post by Harperman on Nov 20, 2023 3:10:13 GMT
To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.
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Jokes
Nov 23, 2023 1:39:57 GMT
Post by OldReliableIronNo.2 on Nov 23, 2023 1:39:57 GMT
Knock, knock. Who's there? Doctor. Doctor Who? No, it's Doctor Whom.
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Jokes
Dec 27, 2023 1:02:05 GMT
Post by WhitehouseFilms on Dec 27, 2023 1:02:05 GMT
One day a man had travelled a long distance to a county show to see a prize bull that he'd read about and he wanted to see it for himself. However with the way of the world, British Rail let him down and by the time it got him to the town on where the show was being held, he'd missed the prize bull. He found the carer of the creature and demanded to see it.
"I'm sorry, Sir. You can't see it now. We've locked him up for the night, you can't see him."
"Well, I'm very disappointed" Said the man, once he'd calmed down. "Now I'll have to get back on that flipping train and return to my own home town and will have to face my wife and my 27 children who are waiting for me at the railway station"
The carer looked up shocked. "Wait, how many children do you have?" He asked.
"I have 27 children, and would you believe it she's expecting again"
There was a pause before the carer took the man's arm and escorting him to the sheds said, "Hold on, I'll take the prize bull out to see YOU"
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Jokes
Jan 15, 2024 5:11:49 GMT
Post by Princess Viola on Jan 15, 2024 5:11:49 GMT
Did you hear about the restaurant that opened on the moon?
It has great food, but no atmosphere.
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Harperman
Goods Engine
Pittsburghs Going to Superbowl!
Posts: 370
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Jokes
Feb 6, 2024 12:50:02 GMT
Post by Harperman on Feb 6, 2024 12:50:02 GMT
Why was 7 afraid of 8, because 8 bit 9
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Two Red Engines
Goods Engine
Childcare worker, published author, and all round awesome!
Posts: 493
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Jokes
Feb 6, 2024 19:21:06 GMT
via mobile
Post by Two Red Engines on Feb 6, 2024 19:21:06 GMT
I saw a bull in a china shop once. It was smashing!
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Post by OldReliableIronNo.2 on Feb 7, 2024 2:01:37 GMT
My dad told me he was going to pop upstairs. So he went upstairs... and he popped!
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Harperman
Goods Engine
Pittsburghs Going to Superbowl!
Posts: 370
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Jokes
Apr 15, 2024 7:54:11 GMT
Post by Harperman on Apr 15, 2024 7:54:11 GMT
What do you call a magic owl? Hoodini!
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Jokes
Apr 22, 2024 7:37:55 GMT
Post by OldReliableIronNo.2 on Apr 22, 2024 7:37:55 GMT
Knock, knock? Who's there? Me. Me who? Me who is knocking on your door.
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