SRapi
Main Line Engine
Pronounced: Ess-Are-Ay-Pie.
Posts: 1,543
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Post by SRapi on Mar 6, 2016 16:38:57 GMT
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
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Jokes
Mar 17, 2016 1:01:19 GMT
Post by ZachThomas2K on Mar 17, 2016 1:01:19 GMT
What wobbles when it flies?
A jelicopter
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SRapi
Main Line Engine
Pronounced: Ess-Are-Ay-Pie.
Posts: 1,543
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Post by SRapi on Mar 20, 2016 22:20:50 GMT
Why do never see an elephant hiding in a tree?
Because they're really good at it.
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Timothy T.
Goods Engine
"I like Cartoons."
Posts: 111
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Jokes
Apr 5, 2016 1:47:04 GMT
Post by Timothy T. on Apr 5, 2016 1:47:04 GMT
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SRapi
Main Line Engine
Pronounced: Ess-Are-Ay-Pie.
Posts: 1,543
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Post by SRapi on May 1, 2016 21:18:55 GMT
What's the dumbest animal in the jungle? The polar bear. Took me a moment to get it, too.
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wildnorwester
Goods Engine
Sodor the Modern Years will return.
Posts: 221
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Post by wildnorwester on May 2, 2016 9:52:47 GMT
How do you get 20 Pikachus onto a boat?
You poke-em-on.
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SRapi
Main Line Engine
Pronounced: Ess-Are-Ay-Pie.
Posts: 1,543
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Post by SRapi on Jul 24, 2016 17:49:41 GMT
What's Forrest Gump's password for his email? 1forrest1
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Sandie
Goods Engine
Posts: 199
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Post by Sandie on Oct 18, 2016 21:37:46 GMT
Skarloey gives Rheneas the wrong orders. What is this called? Blue Mountain Miss-direct!
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Post by Rusty Red Scrap Iron on Oct 22, 2016 11:20:12 GMT
A Lady goes into a posh shop to have her watch sorted, the Sales Assistant serving her says it could take a while and asked if the Lady was willing to wait. The Lady said she was and that she was also looking for something else, so the Sales Assistant says to the Lady: "Take a seat, Madam." and so arranges to have the watch sorted whilst he shows the Lady was they have of the other thing she's looking for.
So upon saying "Take a Seat", a Colleague of the Sales Assistant turns round and says: "When is she gonna bring it back?" The Sales Assistant turns to his Colleague and says: "What?" to which his Colleague answers with: "Well you said Take a Seat, so when is she bringing it back?"
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SRapi
Main Line Engine
Pronounced: Ess-Are-Ay-Pie.
Posts: 1,543
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Post by SRapi on Dec 11, 2016 19:13:30 GMT
What do you call a psychic dwarf on the run from the law?
A small medium at large!
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thethinmiko
Goods Engine
I can't believe its just a burning firebox.
Posts: 279
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Post by thethinmiko on Jun 20, 2017 12:44:48 GMT
What railway makes bread and gives you infections?
The Great Yeastern Railway!
Why was the LMS blamed for ruining a man's living room?
They left a Stanier on the couch!
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pugsy
Goods Engine
caught betwixt one time zone and another
Posts: 294
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Jokes
Jun 22, 2017 8:43:53 GMT
via mobile
Post by pugsy on Jun 22, 2017 8:43:53 GMT
What animal was the first to be put in the LNER zoo? A Gresley bear
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thethinmiko
Goods Engine
I can't believe its just a burning firebox.
Posts: 279
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Post by thethinmiko on Jun 28, 2017 23:39:15 GMT
What animal was the first to be put in the LNER zoo? A Gresley bear I was going to make a Gresley bear joke. What do you call a whale that's been shut down? A Beeched whale!
Another animal joke. Why was there a wild cat at Burger King? They wanted a serval with a smile.
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SRapi
Main Line Engine
Pronounced: Ess-Are-Ay-Pie.
Posts: 1,543
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Post by SRapi on Jul 4, 2017 14:16:27 GMT
2 mice are chewing on a film roll. One mouse says to the other, "I think the book was better."
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ThomasFan88
Goods Engine
Trying to make his way through life.
Posts: 217
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Post by ThomasFan88 on Jul 4, 2017 19:15:36 GMT
Why did the vacationers leave the beach? Because the natives were getting a little "crab"by!
*precedes to have tomatoes slugged at his face*
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Gentle Breeze
Shunting Engine
"You shouldn't take life so seriously. After all, you're not coming out of it alive."
Posts: 25
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Post by Gentle Breeze on Jul 8, 2017 19:35:27 GMT
The other day, I went to the zoo. However, the only animal they had was a dog.
It was a Shih Tzu.
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I was going to attend a clairvoyants' meeting, but it was cancelled due to unforeseen events.
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What do you call two crows on a branch?
Attempted murder
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Relationships are like algebra - you look at your X and try to figure out Y
:3
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ThomasFan88
Goods Engine
Trying to make his way through life.
Posts: 217
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Jokes
Jul 15, 2017 2:23:07 GMT
via mobile
Post by ThomasFan88 on Jul 15, 2017 2:23:07 GMT
What happens when cats drive cars? There's a 'cat'astrophic ending!
(Proceeds to be booed and yanked off stage)
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SRapi
Main Line Engine
Pronounced: Ess-Are-Ay-Pie.
Posts: 1,543
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Post by SRapi on Jul 16, 2017 22:16:36 GMT
What was a more important invention than the first telephone? The second one.
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Jokes
Jan 27, 2022 9:54:51 GMT
Post by OldReliableIronNo.2 on Jan 27, 2022 9:54:51 GMT
Q. What is Spanish for "total wimp"?
A. Bobbie Santiago (from The Loud House/The Casagrandes)
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Jokes
Jan 28, 2022 8:09:31 GMT
Post by Princess Viola on Jan 28, 2022 8:09:31 GMT
Warning kind of a long joke: Spoiler A horse decides that he wants to get into playing music, so he buys himself a guitar and teaches himself how to play.
After learning how to play, he wants to start a band and invites his best friend, the sheep, to join his band as the lead singer.
Sheep eagerly joins this to-be band and starts practicing his vocals.
Soon they invite more and more of their friends: the cow becomes the drummer, the pig becomes the bassist, the chickens become the backing vocals, and the goat becomes the pianist.
After many months and months of practicing, the band begins to play small gigs around their neighborhood. Think birthday parties and such.
At one of these events, however, the band gets discovered by a famous agent who invites them to try out for his label.
To the band's surprise, they get signed to the label! They're all so excited and happy because they've possibly made their big break.
The band records their first studio album and it becomes immensely popular for the first album from a new band, they seem to be getting more and more famous by the day.
One day, their manager has exciting news for the band: they're going to have their first ever concert in Los Angeles, California. He tells them to start preparing their bags because the flight to LA will be in only five days.
On the day of the flight, all the band members are ready to go when horse receives a phone call. Something has happened to his mother and she's in the hospital. He tells his bandmates and manager what has happened and they all tell him to go and visit his mother, he can take the next available flight to LA, it'll be fine. Seeing his mother is more important and there's still about a week to setup the concert anyways.
So horse rushes to the hospital and learns, to his immense relief, that his mother had just fallen and fractured her hip. Certainly still a serious injury, but he was just happy that she was otherwise OK.
But as he was leaving the hospital, he caught a glimpse of the TV in the waiting area and saw something horrifying. A plane had crashed and exploded shortly after takeoff, with no survivors.
It was the plane that his friends had been on. In an instant, he had lost everything - his friends, his career, everything.
Horse became racked with guilt over what had happened, he kept thinking that he shouldn't have survived. He should have been on that plane with his friends.
Completely despondent and a shell of who he once had been, he decided to do the one thing he felt could ease the pain of having survived: he decided to drink himself to death.
So the horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, 'Why the long face?'
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