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Jokes
Dec 16, 2005 19:19:27 GMT
Post by bocodiseasel on Dec 16, 2005 19:19:27 GMT
[glow=green,2,300]Two elephants fell off a cliff. BOOM, BOOM![/glow]
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Jokes
Jan 5, 2006 18:02:38 GMT
Post by stuart7 on Jan 5, 2006 18:02:38 GMT
Here's a good one: (If offensive, I'll gladly take it down).
There are three doctors: A British doctor, a German doctor and an American doctor.
The British doctor says: "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take the brain out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks."
The German doctor says: "That's nothing; we can take the brain out of one man, put it in another, and have him preparing for war in four weeks."
The American doctor, not to be outdone, says: "You guys are way behind. We just took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White House, and now half the country's looking for work and the other half preparing for war."
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QJ
Goods Engine
I'm not dead!
Posts: 338
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Jokes
Jan 6, 2006 11:32:25 GMT
Post by QJ on Jan 6, 2006 11:32:25 GMT
There was once a little pink lady who had a job as a door-to-door saleswoman. One day she was walking through the neighbourhood doing her job, and came to a little red house. She went up to the doorbell and rang it. Inside was a little red man having a bath when the heard the doorbell. So he got out of the tub and put a little red towel around his waist, and went to the door. However, as he opened it, his towel slipped and fell. In a state of extreme shock, the little pink lady screamed and ran out to the street, where she got hit by a car. She was later pronounced dead at the scene. The moral of this story is to never cross the street when the little red man is flashing. ;D
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SRapi
Main Line Engine
Pronounced: Ess-Are-Ay-Pie.
Posts: 1,543
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Jokes
Feb 12, 2006 22:00:43 GMT
Post by SRapi on Feb 12, 2006 22:00:43 GMT
A Pastor, a Minister, and a Rabbi are all talking about death one day. The Pastor said, "At my funeral, I want people to say 'He was a good man who hasn't wasted any moment of his life.'" The Minister said, "At my funeral, I want people to say 'He played a huge role in the church and will be missed dearly.'" The Rabbi said, "At my funeral, I want people to say 'Look! He's moving!'" *Edit: 300th post! Woot! *
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Darthboco
Passenger Engine
Uuuuhhhh...
Posts: 728
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Jokes
Feb 12, 2006 23:13:39 GMT
Post by Darthboco on Feb 12, 2006 23:13:39 GMT
Blonde Jokes!(May offend blondes) -A blonde and her friend are walking down the street. The friend says "Look, a dead bird!" The blonde looks up and says "Where?" -A blonde was bragging that she knew all the state capitols. "I know all of them!" she said. Her friend said "Okay, what's the capitol of Wisconsin?" "That's easy. W!" -Three girls, one of which is blonde, are running from the police. They run into a warehouse and jump into potato sacks. The police come in and kick the first sack. "Meow!" "Hmm, must be a cat!" They kick the next sack. "Woof!" "Hmm, must be a dog!" They kick the final sack, the one containing the blonde. "Potato!" A few Michael Jackson jokes...(May offend Michael Jackson fans) -What does Michael Jackson like about twenty-eight year olds? The fact that there are twenty of them! -What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is plastic and dangerous for children to play with, and the other you put groceries in!
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douglas
Main Line Engine
Posts: 2,256
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Jokes
Feb 17, 2006 1:18:25 GMT
Post by douglas on Feb 17, 2006 1:18:25 GMT
I've heard the blond one... There's an alternativ version of the Harold whatshisname (I live in America so don't ask me why I don't know him) joke with George Bush in his place.
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Jokes
Feb 17, 2006 12:43:48 GMT
Post by dragonfox on Feb 17, 2006 12:43:48 GMT
Not one of my best, as it was originally a friend of mine's, but I'm gonna tell it anyway. -- A man walks into a bar (gets hurt, of course ) and calls the barkeep. "Excuse me," he said, "But can I have some bread please?" The barkeep looked startled. "It may not have occured to you, but this is a bar, not the groceries." he said, in such a way it may have seemed to others that he was trying to talk to a Jamaican person. However, the man asked again. "Can I have some bread please?" "No." said the barkeep more sternly. "Can I have some bread?" "No." "Can I have some bread?" "No!" "Can I have some-""LOOK!" screamed the barkeep. "If you ask for bread ONE MORE TIME, I'll nail your feet to the floor!" The man looked quite offended. After a short silence, he asked; "Can I have some nails then?" "We don't sell nails." "Then can I have some bread?"
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Darthboco
Passenger Engine
Uuuuhhhh...
Posts: 728
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Jokes
Feb 18, 2006 2:20:13 GMT
Post by Darthboco on Feb 18, 2006 2:20:13 GMT
Not one of my best, as it was originally a friend of mine's, but I'm gonna tell it anyway. -- A man walks into a bar (gets hurt, of course ) and calls the barkeep. "Excuse me," he said, "But can I have some bread please?" The barkeep looked startled. "It may not have occured to you, but this is a bar, not the groceries." he said, in such a way it may have seemed to others that he was trying to talk to a Jamaican person. However, the man asked again. "Can I have some bread please?" "No." said the barkeep more sternly. "Can I have some bread?" "No." "Can I have some bread?" "No!" "Can I have some-""LOOK!" screamed the barkeep. "If you ask for bread ONE MORE TIME, I'll nail your feet to the floor!" The man looked quite offended. After a short silence, he asked; "Can I have some nails then?" "We don't sell nails." "Then can I have some bread?" That's a good one! Very similar to one I heard featuring a duck, staples, and some grapes.
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SRapi
Main Line Engine
Pronounced: Ess-Are-Ay-Pie.
Posts: 1,543
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Jokes
Feb 19, 2006 0:53:10 GMT
Post by SRapi on Feb 19, 2006 0:53:10 GMT
3 elephants are dropped from a plane. What sound do they make? Boom! Boom! Tish!
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Jokes
Feb 19, 2006 20:39:27 GMT
Post by stepneydude on Feb 19, 2006 20:39:27 GMT
A man goes back in time to see Shakespeare. "I've finished a new play," calls Shakespeare. "I'm going to call it, 'Hamlet'." "Don't do that," says the man. "Call it 'Hoolet'." "Why would I do that?" asks Shakespeare. "Do it for a laugh," the man says. He then goes back to the future where he meets a movie director. He offers to make a parody of a Shakespearian play. "What's it called?" asks the move director. "Hoolet the dogs out"
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SRapi
Main Line Engine
Pronounced: Ess-Are-Ay-Pie.
Posts: 1,543
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Jokes
Feb 27, 2006 0:36:12 GMT
Post by SRapi on Feb 27, 2006 0:36:12 GMT
This isn't a joke, it's actually a riddle. See who can guess it: How do you divide 17 apples among 16 people?
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tom628
Goods Engine
[F4:@hackattackimer]
Posts: 425
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Jokes
Feb 27, 2006 0:37:54 GMT
Post by tom628 on Feb 27, 2006 0:37:54 GMT
You give one to each person then eat the last one yourself?
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Darthboco
Passenger Engine
Uuuuhhhh...
Posts: 728
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Jokes
Feb 27, 2006 0:43:00 GMT
Post by Darthboco on Feb 27, 2006 0:43:00 GMT
This isn't a joke, it's actually a riddle. See who can guess it: How do you divide 17 apples among 16 people? Give each person one apple and divide the last one into 16ths?
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Jokes
Feb 27, 2006 21:37:16 GMT
Post by Alaric on Feb 27, 2006 21:37:16 GMT
Make apple sauce?
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Jokes
Feb 27, 2006 21:38:42 GMT
Post by Mark Iron on Feb 27, 2006 21:38:42 GMT
not count yourself.
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Jokes
Feb 27, 2006 21:39:13 GMT
Post by CPK on Feb 27, 2006 21:39:13 GMT
Apple pie. I do know this one.... I heard it before somewhere.... I think it's something to do with not needing all 17 for those 16 people..... I just can't think! (Not the first time either )
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Jokes
Feb 28, 2006 2:11:24 GMT
Post by bobwinkle007 on Feb 28, 2006 2:11:24 GMT
You give each person an apple. You'll have one left over, but you can use it to throw at someone you don't like. ;D
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SRapi
Main Line Engine
Pronounced: Ess-Are-Ay-Pie.
Posts: 1,543
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Jokes
Mar 12, 2006 0:07:27 GMT
Post by SRapi on Mar 12, 2006 0:07:27 GMT
Ding ding ding! We have a winner! Apple pie was also acceptable, but it was apple sause we were looking for...apple sauce. Anyway, I love Chuck Norris jokes. www.chucknorrisfacts.com/Click on 'Facts' and you'll get all 8 pages of jokes. Some funny, some not so funny.
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Darthboco
Passenger Engine
Uuuuhhhh...
Posts: 728
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Jokes
Mar 12, 2006 2:09:36 GMT
Post by Darthboco on Mar 12, 2006 2:09:36 GMT
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Jokes
Mar 12, 2006 10:10:15 GMT
Post by Alaric on Mar 12, 2006 10:10:15 GMT
Ding ding ding! We have a winner! Apple pie was also acceptable, but it was apple sause we were looking for...apple sauce. I knew all that time spent watching Batman would pay off. And hurray for Chuck Norris! Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.He sure can.
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