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Post by ShiningTime95 on Dec 13, 2019 19:36:51 GMT
Hi. I’m James. I’m 19. I have ASD (used to be known as, and I used to call it, Asperger’s (that’s now an outdated diagnosis actually, but a discussion for another time and place)). I’m now a First Year Uni student studying Creative Writing. And I’m asexual - as in, not sexually attracted to anyone. Hi, James! I, too, am on the autism spectrum (also originally diagnosed with Asperger's). If you're wanting to talk more about that, I believe we have an autism thread on this board as well. I'm also asexual. Believe it or not, people on the spectrum are more likely to be asexual than their neurotypical counterparts. So I completely understand your perspective. I was right around 19 or 20 when I realized I was asexual. My first exposure to the term was through an online secret santa gift exchange on Tumblr. The person I was assigned to give a gift for identified as biromantic asexual. I did look up what "asexual" meant, but I didn't think anything of it at the time. Then, fast forward a few months, and Caitlyn Jenner first comes out as transgender. In her 20/20 interview, when pressed about her sexual orientation, she simply stated that for now she only would identify as asexual as to not conflict sexual orientation with her gender identity. My mom was confused by what she meant by that, but I remembered my secret santa gift recipient from a few months earlier. I decided to look up the term again on Wikipedia, and this time, something clicked. I realized that what the article was describing also described me. Personally, it took about 2 full years to decide to come out, but I did let a few handful of family and friends know I was asexual before then. That's fine not knowing your romantic orientation right now. I know that you're not looking for a relationship or clarity right now (nor would I suggest rushing into a relationship, either), so I'll just speak from my own perspective. I'm personally a cisgender male who's heteroromantic. So that means I'm romantically attracted to women. For me, it wasn't as hard figuring out my romantic orientation because I had known for a while that I've always been into girls and only girls, and I didn't foresee that changing. As far as what I experience with romantic attraction, part of it is simply looking at someone and desiring a romantic relationship with that person (basically the same thing as sexual attraction, except instead of sex, it's a relationship). However, for me, it's also often coupled to what's called aesthetic attraction. Aesthetic attraction is a kind of physical attraction where you like the way the person looks, like an art lover might like the way a certain painting looks. I know I posted about some of this on SiF before in this very thread, but I'd figure I would bring it up again now that another SiF member came out as asexual. I know how hard that can be, so I applaud your courage. Thanks for sharing!
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Maxine
Passenger Engine
Posts: 593
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Post by Maxine on Dec 14, 2019 9:07:16 GMT
Good on y'all for having the courage to be open like that. SiF is definitely an accepting community in my experience (just realized I've been a member here for almost 11 years... wow). The first time I told anyone that I'm a trans woman was when I came out here 5-ish(?) years ago. I got nothing but support back then. That positive response is definitely a big part of what gave me the courage to come out to my IRL friends and family. Only just managed to finally pick my name about a month ago though. You win some, you take five years to win others lol.Personally I'm still trying to figure out my sexuality. I've considered myself bi since high school, but I've recently realized that I'm not really attracted to men like I thought I was. I experience that aesthetic attraction ShiningTime95 was talking about, but it doesn't really go beyond that for me when it comes to guys. So I guess I'm a lesbian? I'm definitely attracted to girls. That said, I've never actually been in a relationship. It really boils down to not being comfortable enough with various aspects of myself as a pre-transition trans woman to put myself out there, I guess. But I figure it'll happen eventually. I'd rather wait until I'm comfortable in my own skin; I don't want to put myself in a situation I'm uncomfortable with. EDIT: Guess I still hadn't decided yet. I think this one will stick, though.
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timothyscc04
Shunting Engine
Hyped for the royal engine
Posts: 7
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Post by timothyscc04 on Apr 30, 2020 22:54:16 GMT
My attraction has a looong history.
In elementary school I got crushes on boys and....strange feelings around girls. I didn't have a word to describe this just yet. However I enjoyed looking at Victoria's Secret models and the like (yes, I was a perverted little kid)
When I was 13, I realized "Hey! I do like girls!" and started to identify as bisexual. However, over time, my attraction to boys diminished, so now I identify as a lesbian. I'm not out to my parents though.
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Timothy T.
Goods Engine
"I like Cartoons."
Posts: 111
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Post by Timothy T. on May 14, 2020 2:07:04 GMT
Well, it's been 2 years it's I discussed about romantic stuff and looking back to that old post I made on the thread now makes me realize how much a selfish person I was back in high school. I'm just going to say my 2 biggest fears regarding if I ever being in a relationship so here it goes:
The 1st one is me disclosing my autism to my crush. The reason why I scared of this is because back in my school years, I've been fell in love with girls whenever acquaintances or friends who are extremely friendly towards me. However, since I was consumed with the media portraying autistic people in a bad way (e.i. memes or the myths about autism like most ASD people are like Dustin Hoffman's character from Rain Man), I don't know what can I do to tell my crush about my condition if she or I confessed that either one of us have feeling for each other. I guess even if I did confess to her, she'll think Autism is some mental illness or it cause by vaccine. Plus, I forgot to mention that I encounter with girls who are superficial in the past, so there's that.
The 2nd one is me if I was becoming a father at some point. While I do have images in my head of me having kids of my own, but at the same time I have negative thoughts of me having my own family. The reason why I felt this way is because since I was memories of my parents arguing in the kitchen (not saying my parents are abusive or anything like that), I just feared if that if I did get into a fight with my wife, I'll fell scared that my own kids will think that we're dysfunctional parents who revel they're true colors or one day, we'll file a divorced that we won't see each other ever again.
So overall, I still wanted to be in a relationship someday, but I just don't know how can my relationship will turn if I ever be involved in one.
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Post by Rusty Red Scrap Iron on Apr 7, 2023 12:10:58 GMT
Its been a while since I've posted here - especially with everything the world has been through the last couple of years.
Anyway, not much has been happening for me on the romantic front. Though I do have an eye for someone who works at my local leisure centre (though I suspect she's seeing someone anyway, because that's the feeling I always get when I like someone new. I know its a bad feeling to have, but sometimes you just don't know). But also on my travels and even at work I've had some nice glances, but never really taken the leap (especially when working with what I do because one has to maintain continuity with the work I do).
But anyway, I'm actually looking for some advice. Are Dating Apps worth it? Short or long answers are fine, as I like hearing a variety of experiences. I've often pessimistic about it (and every time I think of the word 'App' I feel like I just want to clobber Matt Hancock with his over use of the 'NHS App' during Covid). But in all honesty, are they worth it? Is it worth taking the plunge and trying something different? I welcome all answers.
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SRapi
Main Line Engine
Pronounced: Ess-Are-Ay-Pie.
Posts: 1,543
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Post by SRapi on Apr 23, 2023 18:58:01 GMT
Its been a while since I've posted here - especially with everything the world has been through the last couple of years. Anyway, not much has been happening for me on the romantic front. Though I do have an eye for someone who works at my local leisure centre (though I suspect she's seeing someone anyway, because that's the feeling I always get when I like someone new. I know its a bad feeling to have, but sometimes you just don't know). But also on my travels and even at work I've had some nice glances, but never really taken the leap (especially when working with what I do because one has to maintain continuity with the work I do). But anyway, I'm actually looking for some advice. Are Dating Apps worth it? Short or long answers are fine, as I like hearing a variety of experiences. I've often pessimistic about it (and every time I think of the word 'App' I feel like I just want to clobber Matt Hancock with his over use of the 'NHS App' during Covid). But in all honesty, are they worth it? Is it worth taking the plunge and trying something different? I welcome all answers. I think they can be of use, though don't go in with your expectations too high. I met my ex-girlfriend on Bumble, so that worked well, and I've talked to a few on OKCupid. But these apps have honestly gotten worse since I used them, taking away a lot of functionality or putting it behind a paywall. They do have usability in free mode, so I'd say they're worth trying the free mode to see if they suit your fancy. Nothing really to lose to just try!
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